Blogs

A mother’s loss

Posted: Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Sue Brackell lost her 24-year-old son Liam to suicide in 2003. She has published a collection of poems called Losing Liam: Poems 2003-08.

"These poems connect me to Liam. They have helped me to grieve and shown me that ‘love is strong as death’. There are moments when he seems to be almost there, inside the words, as he is inside the harmonies of certain music."

For Liam:

Your boots are in the kitchen,
Your shoes are in the hall,
Your jacket’s hanging on the stairs,
You haven’t gone at all.

Your jersey’s on the pillow,
A T-shirt in the drawer,
Your sponge-bag’s in the bathroom
Lying on the floor.

I know you’ll never put them on,
These clothes you used to wear,
Or tie your shoe or bootlaces
And rumple up your hair.

There are no hands, no feet, no head,
No eyes, no voice, no smile,
No you to hold, to tease, to love,
Or chat with for a while.

Your boots are in the kitchen,
I put them there today.
Your jersey’s lying on my bed
(I won’t put it away.)

I’ll hang your jacket on the stairs,
I’ll hang it on my door
And strew your things untidily
Across the bedroom floor.

You didn’t leave, I didn’t grieve,
You never went away.
I’m not bereft, you never left
On such a lovely day.

I want to hug you tightly
And hold your throbbing head
And yet your clothes are all I have
(I know that you are dead.)

The Losing Liam is priced at £7 and is available from Sue Brackell on 0208 989 3388. All proceeds from the sale of the book will go to mental health charities and bereavement groups.

Day for Life: Ireland – 4 October 2009

Posted: Friday, 2 October 2009

Sunday 4 October is Day for Life in Ireland. The Irish Bishops' Conference has prepared a number of resources and has an interview with Bishop John Fleming, the Conference's ‘Day for Life’ delegate. Bishop Fleming speaks to Brenda Drumm from the Irish Catholic Communications Office about the the 'Day for Life' initiative, and introduces this year's theme.

Click to watch.

Background to the Church's annual Day for Life Pastoral Letter

In his 1995 Encyclical Letter, Evangelium Vitae (The Gospel of Life), the late Pope John Paul II proposed that “a day for life be celebrated each year in every country”. The primary purpose of this day should be “to foster in individual consciences, in families, in the Church, and in civil society, a recognition of the meaning and value of human life at every stage and in every condition”
Evangelium Vitae #85

The Bishops of Ireland responded to this invitation by announcing an annual celebration of the Day for Life. Since 2001, the bishops have published a Pastoral Letter every October celebrating a different theme for each Day for Life.

Since 2001, the following themes have been chosen to celebrate the Catholic Church’s annual ‘Day for Life’:

2001: Proclaiming the Gospel of Life
2002: End of Life Care – Ethical and Pastoral Issues
2003: The Wonder of Life – celebrating the 25th anniversary of the Pontificate of Pope John Paul II
2004: Life is for Living - A Reflection on Suicide
2005: Cherishing the Evening of Life
2006: Celebrating the life and presence of people with disabilities in the Church and in society
2007: Blessed is the fruit of your womb – dedicated to protecting all human life
2008: Mental Health - Mental ill-health can happen to anyone
2009: Focus on suicide, particularly the pastoral dimensions of this difficult and sensitive subject

Since 2005, the Irish Bishops have united with the Bishops of Scotland, and England and Wales, by jointly publishing a Day for Life Pastoral Letter with a common theme. The Day for Life in 2007 is being celebrated in parishes throughout Ireland on Sunday 7 October, in Scotland on Sunday 31 May and in England and Wales on Sunday 1 July.

Click to visit the Irish Catholic Bishops' Conference.

Read/download the Irish Day for Life leaflet (available in three languages: Irish, English and Polish)

World Suicide Prevention Day – 10 September 2009

Posted: Monday, 7 September 2009

‘World Suicide Prevention Day is held on September 10th each year as an initiative of the International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP), and is co-sponsored by the World Health Organization (WHO). The theme in 2009 is "Suicide Prevention in Different Cultures." Begun in 2003, the purpose of World Suicide Prevention Day is to improve education about suicide, disseminate information, decrease stigmatization and, most importantly, raise awareness that suicide is preventable.

World Suicide Prevention Day 2009, "Suicide Prevention in Different Cultures" provides an opportunity to remind people that suicide is influenced by cultural, religious, legal, historical, philosophical and traditional factors and that these contexts need to be taken into account in considering suicide prevention. Suicide needs to be understood in terms of its cultural background, and, to save lives, suicide prevention programs need to be tailored to different cultural contexts’.

Click for more information on World Suicide Prevention Day.

‘Who’s there for them?’

Posted: Monday, 27 July 2009

Writing in The Catholic Herald, journalist Greg Watts talks to a De La Salle Brother who counsels the suicidal.

If you were asked to name the second most common cause of death among young people after accidents, what would you say? You might be shocked to learn that it is, in fact, suicide.

Suicide is the theme of this year's Day for Life campaign this Sunday organised by the Bishops' Conference of England and Wales. According to the mental health charity Mind, suicide accounts for almost 23 per cent of all deaths of people aged 15 to 24. It estimates that between seven and 14 per cent of adolescents will self-harm at some time in their life.

There is often no single reason why a young person commits suicide. It's usually the result of a variety of factors, such as academic pressure, family break-up and relationship problems. Mind claims young people who have been physically or sexually abused are often at increased risk of suicide or deliberate self-harm. It is often linked to serious mental illness such as depression, which is common at all ages.

Brother Ben Foy, a member of the De La Salle congregation, is part-time chaplain at St Joseph's College, a large secondary school in Upper Norwood, south-west London, and a governor of several other schools. Through his work in universities, retreat centres and schools over the last 20 years, he reckons to have counselled over 600 young people contemplating suicide. His involvement with suicidal young people began after a teenager at a retreat centre where he was working took his own life. He thinks that many people are unaware of how common it is for young people to consider suicide.

Click for more.

From the Via Dolorosa to the Via Gloriosa

Posted: Monday, 20 July 2009

Sister Janet on the difficult and painful subject of suicide.

"There have been four suicides in the past ten days."

These sad words came from someone who commutes using one of the high-speed trains. ‘I presume there are so many suicides because the trains are travelling so fast that a quick death is almost certain.’

As he spoke, our hearts went out to the emergency services, train drivers and any witnesses at the scene, but also to the families who might only learn of the horrific death of a loved one several days after the event.

A few weeks ago, I myself saw a team of police and ambulance personnel finally succeed in persuading a man not to throw himself from Lambeth Bridge into the Thames. I don’t know for how long they had been there: I was merely crossing the road at the time, directed by anxious-looking policemen. As I looked back, the man had stepped down from the parapet and, head in hands, sat listening to the young woman who was part of the ambulance crew.

Suicide is a tragedy. Whatever the motive might have been, the family never fully gets over the pain or the questions. Each family member will spend the rest of his or her days wondering what could have been said or done to prevent such a death.

Click for more.

Some reflections on dealing with suicide with young people

Posted: Tuesday, 7 July 2009

Brother Benedict Foy

I have worked with young people for over 40 years in a variety of settings. For two years of this time I lived with the accusation of murder, through the court system, by the parents of a young man I discovered who had killed himself and whom I attempted to resuscitate. But this experience, through spiritual direction, became a time of growth for me and has convinced me of the vital importance of working with suicidal and troubled young people.

I presently work as a chaplain of a secondary school in London – which is an enormous pleasure and privilege. At a meeting with fellow chaplains a couple of years ago we estimated that about 1% of the young people with whom we work actually make some attempt at suicide – and that somewhere between 10 and 15% of young people think more or less seriously about suicide. In the last 20 years or so I have personally worked with over 600 young people in Britain and the USA – aged between 10 and 35 – who have attempted suicide. Over 80 have died. The majority of these young people have been boys or young men.

Suicide is linked to a lot of factors in the lives of young people: abuse, bullying, a sense of abandonment and neglect, frustration, anger and bereavement of many kinds (including family break-ups – amongst the most common).

How do we deal with suicidal tendencies in young people? I believe that we need to be pre-emptive in asking troubled or depressed young people about their intentions about self-harm, running away, suicidal thoughts or attempts. I have never found any young person fail to respond to such a question – rather I notice a sense of relief that “it's OK to voice such thoughts” and thus to begin to deal with the issues involved in a safe way. And what about the damage to their emotional memory? I have found that young people can be empowered to recognise when their toxic memories are coming into play; to actually remember the causes of such memories; and to choose the means to deal with the pain in a considered manner. As Chaplain I find that it's welcomed when I pray openly with such troubled young people, of a variety of religions and none, for the healing of their memories, and for their growth and empowerment as people created and loved by God.

As adults we need to educate ourselves and to educate our young people about practical ways of dealing with their negative and toxic emotions. As Christians we need to “be the good news”, by presence and prayer, to and for such young people, who too often believe that they are unlovable and far from salvation.

Heaven Speaks booklet on Suicide

Posted: Friday, 26 June 2009

In the booklet (cover shot left), Saint Margaret Mary of Alacoque speaks to those who are considering suicide:

“Often, the most difficult part of suffering anguish is the perception that nobody understands the depth of your pain. One can feel very alone in such pain and when one seeks out consolation from others, one is often terribly disappointed. Please listen to me. I am your sister in Christ. I experienced great anguishes while I was on earth so I am rejoicing that God allows me to help you. When you go to another seeking comfort and you find yourself in worse shape, feeling more misunderstood and alone, you must come to me. Say, “Margaret, I need help. I need help now.”

Direction for Our Times is a non-profit organisation which is dedicated to promoting the heavenly messages received by “Anne”, a lay Catholic apostle. None of her work is published without the permission of her local ordinary, the Bishop of Kilmore in Ireland, The Right Reverend Leo O’Reilly. All of her writings have been submitted to the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.

Click to view the Direction for Our Times downloadable booklets.

Karen’s story

Posted: Monday, 1 June 2009

I felt such a helpless failure

Life was a very lonely, desolate place for me. I was tired, tired of hiding behind a smile while inside, every gut wrenched and twisted and cried out, and nothing I would do would make that feeling go away. There are no words which can explain the intensity of that feeling of complete and utter despair, desolation, failure and unhappiness that grips the very core of your being and strangles you from the inside out.

I tried so hard to fight it, putting on a brave face for the world, outside I was smiling...while inside, I was dying. I tried some of the alternative therapies, self help books, reiki, energy healing etc. I tried drowning my sorrows in alcohol thinking, being out and about on the social scene in pubs and clubs would somehow make me feel "normal". In my desperation, I even tried cocaine and hash to see if it would help make this feeling go away but as I found, all of the above would temporarily numb the pain but when it returned, it returned with vengeance.

I always considered myself a strong person; I was bringing up my daughter with my mother’s help and have always been able to get good jobs. Every new job would feel like it was a new start, a chance to make something of myself. But it was never long (usually 6 months) before that gut wrenching feeling deep inside would wear me down and turn a girl who was good at her job into a girl who had no faith in her own capabilities. Fighting it would drain every ounce of energy from me and I would no longer be able to continue my employment. So I would quit and every time it was another failure to add to my increasing list of failures.

My whole world was crumbling around me and I felt helpless. It was the break up of a 7 year relationship with a man I thought I loved that was the final straw. For 12 months afterwards I beat myself up everyday. I was useless, good for nothing. I had failed my daughter, my mother and I felt my father was disgusted with me.

I couldn’t fight any longer, I had nothing left inside me to fight with, I was worn out. I would find myself climbing into bed and pulling the covers over my head several times a day, I just wanted the world to go away. I stopped opening my mail because I I couldn’t face another bill or bad news. Day by day the pile of unopened envelopes would grow larger until I would stuff them into a drawer so I didn’t have to look at them. Dishes piled in the sink and dust grew in layers around the house because I just didn’t have the energy to clean it. My daughter spent more and more time in my mother’s house until she no longer lived with me and I had completely given up hope of ever being "normal" again.

Inside I was dead and I could no longer hide it on the outside and so I hid away in my little house, away from a world I could no longer face. Thoughts went through my head of just walking quietly into the sea and leaving this world behind. At first I fought those thoughts because I knew about God and I thought that if I killed myself, I could never get into heaven and the thoughts of spending an eternity in hell did not appeal to me. But the pain inside was growing more intensely and I thought about it more and more as a release. One day I felt I could no longer stand the pain, I needed release from its' grip and dying, I felt was my only way out. I had to do it, I knew the devastation I would leave behind but I was in so much pain, I didn’t care.

I cried out "Oh God! I can’t take this anymore, please take this pain away", I stood up to walk out the door, into my car and go to the sea to end it all, when a text message came through on my mobile. I read the text, it was from a girl I knew but had not seen for a long time. The text read, "Hi, thinking about you, how are you"? I had nothing left to lose so I responded to her text “I’m battling with the will to live". I couldn’t tell her I was about to walk into the sea. She responded immediately and gave me the phone number of a counsellor, she said he was very good and I should talk to him.

I rang the counsellor straight away because deep down, I didn’t want to die, I just wanted the pain to stop and I could see no other way of stopping it only to kill myself.

A gentle voice talked to me on the other end of the phone and I knew he understood how I was feeling by the way he talked without judgement in his voice. After speaking with him a little while I started to feel better and I felt to hold on, there maybe hope. I made it through that day and the following day I made the journey to see the counsellor. I came away from that first meeting feeling different, the urgency to kill myself had subsided and I had a strange feeling that something huge had happened inside me and God had answered that day I called out to him.

I met with the counsellor once a week for six weeks and each time, felt better and better. I felt love inside me again, I felt God’s love for me more and more every day and where there was pain and emptiness inside me, God took away and filled me with a comfort and peace that I had never felt before.

I am more alive now than ever before and now I have strength, God’s strength, which is always sufficient. The world is a lonely, hard place when you are trying to go it alone without God’s love and blessings. Yes there are still days that I sometimes find hard, but they are few and, with God’s help, I get through.

Do I still want to die? No, a thousand times No!

Am I the same person I was before? No. God has made me a new person, with a life inside me like I've never felt before, a person who now loves to wake in the morning wondering what the day will bring and knowing He is right by my side. I now have a light within that is such a contrast to the darkness and pain I once felt. Only God could achieve that! Everyone has noticed the change for the better that has happened within me. My relationships with my family are thriving and happy now.

What do I say to those who read my story?

I know something about how you feel, I've been there. Hold on, there is hope, there is a better place for you. God has better things for you. Just ask Him; hand over your life to Him; and don’t give up! Remember, there is no pain or darkness in this world that we go through that Jesus Christ already gone through. So he can help us and bring us through. He died for us so that we may have life in abundance. He died in pain and darkness for us, so that we don't have to die in our pain and darkness.

And ask others for help too. Find a good counsellor to talk to. There is hope and help available.

Joy’s story

Posted: Monday, 25 May 2009

The first sign that something was not right was pulsating muscles all over my body, then extreme fatigue, and eventually feeling of extreme anxiety. I was unable to sleep but if I managed to drop off, I would be woken quite soon with dreadful dreams. Most of the night was spent walking from room to room, or around the garden, punctuated by attempts to go to sleep.

I was treated with anti-depressants that were changed about four times. Nothing seemed to help. I eventually phoned my GP’s surgery and cried down the phone, “Somebody help me!” The doctor came and I went into a mental hospital for three weeks, but after being discharged, I was still very little better.

I saw a psychiatrist every month or so, and the anti-depressants I was prescribed, were changed again. I improved somewhat but was desperate for a spiritual uplift similar to the feelings I had when I was walking on wide, open moors or through woodland with shafts of light coming through the trees and birds singing. I did not want visitors, not even my mother or my daughter, and so I lost touch with my grandchildren, which saddened me, even more.

My mother’s friend heard Edna Hunneysett talk on the local radio and told my mother that Edna could perhaps help me. I contacted her and plucked up courage to go to a group. It was the first time I was able to tell someone of my illogical feelings and knew they would understand and not judge. Father Bill joined the group to help and he was a great source of understanding and wisdom.

I gradually started to gain confidence enough to go to study groups in the Catholic Church, and also to Taize evenings that were a great source of peace and spiritual uplift. One service that I attended told us the story of the sick lady who could not reach Jesus to ask him for a cure. She managed to push through crowds and touch his robe and was cured. The priest in the church put his robe around the Eucharist and invited us to come and touch it and ask God for what we needed. It was a transforming moment and I felt I had found myself again. This lasted for three days, but the horrible anxiety returned.

I continue to go to special church activities and to Edna’s group. I am slowly improving and can go to social events, to visit friends, to spend time with my grandchildren, and to invite friends to my house. I will continue to use the Catholic Church, which is really the people belonging to it, and I know that, along with attending Edna’s group, I will eventually get well enough to be glad I am alive.